Afterwards
You can help your child to face life afterwards by preparing them for the future without you.
Some people write a letter for their children to read when they are older. Some people find it helpful to collect mementos together in a memory box or scrapbook. This can be a very positive thing to do, but can also be a very painful process: some people describe it as bittersweet.
A letter is a way of telling your child more about you, your feelings and hopes for them. Sometimes people want a letter or memento to be given to their child on a particular occasion, such as a birthday. It may help to know that you are leaving a message of love and good wishes for your child's future.
Children can be involved in the funeral and older children can make choices about their part in it. Perhaps you could make some plans beforehand, especially with older children. The funeral or cremation can be both a time to say goodbye and also a time to celebrate your life.
Anyone who is bereaved may find the person's birthday, or the anniversary of the death, particularly difficult to deal with. It may help to create particular personal ceremonies at these times, or perhaps visit the grave or cemetery and share stories about the person.
Many books discuss ways of talking to children about death and dying and supporting them through the grieving process. Winston’s Wish and Macmillan Cancer have ideas and advice about how to create a memento box, or a scrapbook.